I like waking up early. I like having a routine. Aside from generally going to bed too late for a 445 wake up, we’ve done really good with this.
- 445 up
- 500 gym
- 545-600 Scripture study in the car somewhere
Overall it’s pretty good. And its good for my head, and my general need for routines.
I get to 645, 700 and I’m feeling pretty good about my life. And then I think about work and I die a little.
I don’t know exactly what it is. I generally like the people I work with. Heck, my team has three of the most competent people I’ve ever worked with. (That could sound less than complementary to them, but the reality is it’s an indictment of people at other jobs.)
I think it has to do with a Hierarchy of Needs thing. My job is currently only interesting to me because of the money I get from doing it. And the money is only useful because I have an unfinished house that looms over my mind.
And because a need for shelter is not met (I have a place to live and be sheltered currently), my anxieties and worries are focused on the house.
And when my time is required to be in a place that is not in line with my worries and concerns, I struggle with the disconnect and the dissonance of the mismatch.
I think that’s what I mean when I say “I die little by little.”
But I will probably want to explore it some more.