Depression has triggers. Certain things send me in directions where I’m more susceptible to engage in self-defeating behaviours.
Not exercising consistently.
Consistent exercise has been hard since losing interest in volleyball and leaving Utah for Arizona. Exercising for exercise’s sake seems pointless. I attempted to overcome that last year with focusing on bike races, but my ego tends to get in the way, and I over-plan what I want to accomplish. Shorter races are fine: they allow me to have balance in my day to day life.
Not eating well.
This can go in a number of directions, and I believe my exercise also plays a factor here.
Not eating well can mean not eating enough (when I’m more depressed, I’m less interested in food) but can also mean not eating a good combination of ingredients.
For example, I usually ate 60% carbs while riding my bike. But when not exercising (now) that level is a depression trigger. And if I have lots of carbs before bed at night, I’ve basically screwed myself the next day.
Work.
Certain things at work are a trigger. Sometimes they only become triggers because I am triggered from something else.
For the last year we’ve been trying to train someone to take over a large portion of my responsibilities in the finance department. We’ve been through two people and haven’t found someone who is capable of taking over a fraction of them.
I don’t believe this is because they are hard (I had to figure it all out on my own), but because many people in finance are deathly afraid of making mistakes. So having to do the thinking for two different people’s jobs has been a major trigger.
Lack of focus on spiritual things.
I’m not sure this is the root cause. But it might be. I am typically most balanced and resilient when I spend time worshipping daily. I haven’t for probably the last month and a half or so (since summer hit and the yard always seems to need work). It may be longer, honestly. I really don’t remember.
So is there something I can do to be better off? Yes. I think most things to solve my situation are in my power. I just need to do them.