I’ve had various inklings, promptings, thoughts, pushes, etc. to do certain things over the years.
I started doing them this year, as we moved to the city.
Some of what I chose to do what a direct reaction to the city life, some of it was based on our situation. Some of it was because we had/have more spare time than we used to.
But there is always a regression to the mean. This is why most New Year’s resolutions stop. They’re made on the spot and they don’t have lasting impact.
Commitment is lacking.
The why, the true reason you’re doing it. Is probably missing.
For example, I feel gross most days. I feel (I know I don’t look) out of shape, undesirous to move or alter my sedentary existence.
I have more than double the body fat than I had when I was in good shape. I am unable to simply go and perform the physical movements I want to, which I could do when I was in shape.
During the times I was in shape (or my best shape), I usually biked to and from school and coached/played volleyball 90+ mins per day. This created a necessity of movement. I was required to move to accomplish the things I had to do that day.
Now, the necessity is gone. I’m not required to move as a part of my daily routine. And I’m certainly not required to maintain and elevated heart rate and push my body at all.
So the easy why is gone. I can’t just say “well, if you don’t move, you don’t learn or make money.” Because that’s pretty much not true. If I really wanted (and I definitely don’t) I could do my job laying on my back in bed. No movement required.
So have I reached the point where I need to be thoughtful about food? Certainly, if I’m not moving excessively beyond the base human requirement (which I haven’t matched for a month or so). Maybe not quite as much if I’m moving excessively much or excessively vigorously.
My thought was to start small, get moving consistently (which I did for January) and home food requirements as I did. I suppose I really only got 2.5 weeks into the experiment before I had to travel to Santa Clara and now I’m possibly complaining about being out of the habit.
But there was something else about volleyball. There was a drive to improve, to be better, to push myself.
I don’t have that about anything anymore. I lost that as I taught and coached high school.
There’s not a burning fire for competition anymore (although I’ve got some flames for spiritual self-improvement).
There’s a potential why if I were to find something I wanted to be really good at. But good takes time. And I have a lot of interests. And I’m not very good at going deep on one to the exclusion of others.
Ugh. Food for thought. For now.