It makes a lot of sense to feel gratitude. It makes more sense to express it as well. I’ve spent much of the year examining myself, feeling sorry for myself, trying to move forward, and eventually doing so.
I’ve spent more time curled up in a ball than I would have liked. I’ve spent more tears on this than anything else ever.
It’s not for naught.
I don’t know everything that will come from it, but I have to be grateful for what has.
I’ve learned to forgive myself. I’ve learned to forgive others. I’ve experienced pain that opened my heart and my pains allowed me to see the struggles of others. I’ve seen my faith strengthen. I’ve regained hope, I’ve learned to define hope, and I’ve discovered hope is a choice.
I’ve questioned deeply, and I’ve had questioned answered. I’ve been refined. The dross that made up much of my being–the dross that I’d added to myself over time–has been burnt out.
I might be less overall than I used to be, but I am more pure. I’m more able to focus on things that will add purer parts to me.
It hurt. Every moment from August to August was filled with pain. But it started to wane as I made effort to focus on the things Father wanted me to focus on.
He gave me a new job I’m excited for–a job that is interesting and will provide for my future family with no concerns. He’s provided healing. He put an incredible woman in my path who loves me and knows I love her. She is everything I ever dreamed of and more, and I thank Father daily for her and for making me into the type of man she would be compatible with.
So I might have been through Hell. I will likely go through more, but I know I need to focus on doing Father’s will. Being grateful for the experiences along the way is important. Critical.
Gratitude provides a necessary perspective to moving forward.