Thursday was a good day. For the first time in far too long, I went to the temple.
It was a triumphant event for me. For many months as I struggled to consistently see light, I felt unworthy of the peace and love I felt in the temple. That pain combined with my lack of belief in myself and my inability to take control of my own situation kept me from seeking God’s presence and guidance in the temple.
My work schedule can also be blamed, but I’ve made sacrifices to attend the temple before and had great success in daily life because of that sacrifice.
I’ve been through a lot. A few days ago I was trying to describe the deepest source of my pain to someone who’s become important to me. As we talked, I realized that although I was exercising vulnerability in many, many ways with my peers, I was shying away from being vulnerable with God. I purposely chose not to pray or share my deepest struggles with Him because I blamed Him for the pain that had been a constant part of my life for more than a year.
So Thursday was a triumph. Thursday I began purposely opening myself to Father. Once again I chose to be vulnerable to the Person I’ve placed blame on for my circumstances, Who has a better vision of the purposes of my experiences.
It was a moment that showed a turn. A turn from valuing my own opinion as higher than Father’s. It was a moment, triumphant in a turn from pride.