“Should” the word I should probably stop saying

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend who had met with a counselor several times. She’s of similar intellectual capacity and intrinsic drive as I am during my best times–we’re pretty much brain-twins, and we’ve had some eerily similar experienced in the love department during the last several months. So we talk and request advice a lot. 

Anyway, she said the most important thing she learned from the counselor was to “not dwell on the things you think you should be able to do and to accept what you do and celebrate that.”

The times I spiraled the most quickly and the deepest were the times I allowed myself to dwell on what I thought should be. When I focused on what I should be able to do and what should have happened, I tanked faster than gravity could pull me down. 

Hearing this from her was a bit shocking. I had been focusing on what should have been (read: what I in my incredible conceit and self-focus think should have happened), and that dissonance with what did happen was ruining the harmony of my life. (I enjoy dissonance used well in music, and it has its place, but my ears require resolve.)

So I’ve spent some time focused on only appreciating what I can do. On celebrating what I actually do. I allow myself slight disappointments if I don’t accomplish something that is probably within my power, but I don’t dwell on what should have happened or what I should have done. 

What is past simply is.

About the author: Lee J

Lee J Hinkle spends his days writing video game code. It was never a job he expected to have. Check out Rogue Invader online. Any search will send you to the right spot. Unless the language is foreign. Then maybe 50% will be right. He tries to be a devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and hopes his Father recognizes his efforts.