I hate volleyball

I do. It’s just fact.

What was once the thing around which my life revolved is now just another thing I want out of my life.

What’s wrong with me?

This is not the reaction I should have. I worked for years to understand the game the way I do, but everything seems to be collapsed now. I think it’s connected to high school season. I think I took a mentality that didn’t understand enough and was unsure how to accomplish what I wanted.

So there’s that.

Some of it is probably due to residual disappointment.

But every single time I realize I have to go to the gym for practice, I just don’t want to.

Did my experience change my attitude? Do I associate many negative thoughts with those experiences? Is there a major aspect of trauma involved with what I went through? Absolutely. And that keeps me from enjoying it now.

Like everything else in my life, when I don’t have a passion for it, I push it away. This is less true for people, but became common as I was working on my master’s degree. At that point, I realized I had accomplished everything I needed to scholastically to give me a leg up in the world, so doing more than what I wanted was superfluous.

That’s why I started the volleyball club in the first place. I wanted to apply things I’d learned in an authentic setting.

To some extent, the same thing happened with teaching. I became majorly disenfranchised and knew I had to get myself out.

This pattern worries me, but I’m not sure what to do about it.

About the author: Lee J

Lee J Hinkle spends his days writing video game code. It was never a job he expected to have. Check out Rogue Invader online. Any search will send you to the right spot. Unless the language is foreign. Then maybe 50% will be right.

He tries to be a devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and hopes his Father recognizes his efforts.