The primary song goes “I love to see the temple, I’m going there someday.”
It’s true. I love to see the temple. I am going there someday.
The way I’ve felt the past several weeks though is, “I love to see the temple, I’d really like to have the peace that comes from it. But I can’t motivate myself to go.”
It’s been really hard to feel that way. It’s not that I don’t want to go, that I’m unworthy to go, or anything else. I just can’t get myself to go.
When I realized that I lacked the motivation, I was forced to question whether I’d fallen into another depressive funk.
That was scary.
Being forced to consider that you struggle with something you thought was a one-time, mostly environmentally-influenced thing is scary. I never want to be in that dark, dank, dismally depressed place again. I don’t want to consider it as an option, but as my desire to go to the temple strengthens, my motivation to go decreases.
And that’s as scary as considering what Hell is. Because that was as close to Hell as I’d like to ever come.
So struggles happen. I still experience really dark times. I’m considering some things that should really help me get out of this funk. One of them is going to the temple.
I’ll get the motivation. Even if it’s convincing a friend to drag me there. The peace of the temple is worth it. I want–I need–to be there and benefit from the strengthening power it provides.
The sun will shine again, and temple worship helps me see a glimmer of light along this path I tread.